Second Star to the Left...
I don't want to grow up.
Let me rephrase that. Some would say I already am grown up -- at 23, with a house I at least partially own, a full time job, a husband, and a child on the way -- these are all, of course, markers of materity.
Externally, then, I bear all the signs of adulthood. Yet I feel like I'm playing an elaborate, very well executed, game of pretend, that's all about to come crashing down.
I'm nearly two thousand dollars in debt in credit alone -- not taking into account my car or student loans. I have a baby due to get here in three months and very little of the nursery bought, let alone set up. And only 3.5 more paydays left to do it with while still making my regular payments.
The amount of items I need seems to increase each time I look at the list. There's the baby bath, a change table or at least a change mat of some sort, diapers, a car seat, a baby sling for short trips, a pram/pushchair for longer trips, clothing, a mattress for our cot, a baby hammock for a baby bed the master bedroom (for the first 6 months or so), blankets, toiletries, nursing bras, nursing pads, bottles and steriliser, and of course toys. Which of course isn't taking into account the "incidental" increases in regular grocery items -- particularly in washing powder and groceries!
And while a couple of those items aren't "absolutely" needed, the majority are. I've been doing what I can looking second hand and trying to beg borrow and steal items, but I haven't had a lot of luck. Certainly I'm not the only one in this boat because the Baby Gear catergory on TradeMe is one of the ones with the highest sell-through rates - anything half decent is sold straight away, and usually for a price within 70% or so of RRP. Combine that with my entire lack of network here in New Zealand even after four years living here. I don't know anyone who has baby gear to spare, nor for that matter do I have much of a list for people to attend a baby shower, as our 'closest' friends are moving out of Auckland this coming Sunday. After that it's down to mere aquaintenances -- the type who would know that the only reason they're being invited is for the gifts they bring. I really don't want to seem that pathetic.
In short, I have no idea what I'm going to do. I'm still approximately three months away from giving birth and I already feel like a terrible mother.
Let me rephrase that. Some would say I already am grown up -- at 23, with a house I at least partially own, a full time job, a husband, and a child on the way -- these are all, of course, markers of materity.
Externally, then, I bear all the signs of adulthood. Yet I feel like I'm playing an elaborate, very well executed, game of pretend, that's all about to come crashing down.
I'm nearly two thousand dollars in debt in credit alone -- not taking into account my car or student loans. I have a baby due to get here in three months and very little of the nursery bought, let alone set up. And only 3.5 more paydays left to do it with while still making my regular payments.
The amount of items I need seems to increase each time I look at the list. There's the baby bath, a change table or at least a change mat of some sort, diapers, a car seat, a baby sling for short trips, a pram/pushchair for longer trips, clothing, a mattress for our cot, a baby hammock for a baby bed the master bedroom (for the first 6 months or so), blankets, toiletries, nursing bras, nursing pads, bottles and steriliser, and of course toys. Which of course isn't taking into account the "incidental" increases in regular grocery items -- particularly in washing powder and groceries!
And while a couple of those items aren't "absolutely" needed, the majority are. I've been doing what I can looking second hand and trying to beg borrow and steal items, but I haven't had a lot of luck. Certainly I'm not the only one in this boat because the Baby Gear catergory on TradeMe is one of the ones with the highest sell-through rates - anything half decent is sold straight away, and usually for a price within 70% or so of RRP. Combine that with my entire lack of network here in New Zealand even after four years living here. I don't know anyone who has baby gear to spare, nor for that matter do I have much of a list for people to attend a baby shower, as our 'closest' friends are moving out of Auckland this coming Sunday. After that it's down to mere aquaintenances -- the type who would know that the only reason they're being invited is for the gifts they bring. I really don't want to seem that pathetic.
In short, I have no idea what I'm going to do. I'm still approximately three months away from giving birth and I already feel like a terrible mother.
posted by Margo @ 10:25 PM
1 Comments:
At 12:38 PM,
Princess LadyBug said…
You're not a terrible mother. You're just not getting the support you need from the hubby.
How about a virtual baby shower? All the friends & relatives can send you gift cards & things instead of shipping the items.
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