Time for some lighthearted fun..

Thanks to Princess LadyBug, who tagged me, and Focus, who should have.

10 years ago:
Funny timing of this - I was thinking about this the other day, as this very month marks the ten year anniversary from when hubby and I "met" online. I'd just started emailing my (now) DH, after being given his email address from a mutual friend who thought we had a lot in common. She didn't mean it romantically, and I remember that I was quick to set things straight, and told him he was much too old for me, so he shouldn't get any ideas.

I think the cliche "famous last words" would be applicable here.

5 years ago:
I was preparing for my wedding, working two (part-time) jobs. I was in heavy denial about what moving country actually required in terms of packing things up.

1 year ago:
I was fighting a rapidly losing battle at balancing life. I was working two (occasionally three) part-time jobs, at University full-time (though not accomplishing much) and trying to manage a household, even if that household only consisited of me and hubby. In the end, all the balls I was attempting to juggle ended up crashing down, but it taught me some valuable lessons.

Now:
I'm married with a 5-week old. I don't get enough sleep, I don't get enough to eat, largely because I really don't have enough time in the day. I don't have enough money. But I'm loving it. Of course, I'd love to win the lotto and have someone here to take care of me but I wouldn't trade Zamara, and anything / everything she comes with, for the world.

5 songs I know all the words to:
Studying Stones, by Ani Difranco
Edelweiss
One Week, by the Barenaked Ladies (okay, I know them, I just can't keep up with them)
Bohemian Raphsody by Queen
Dilate, by Ani Difranco

Not bad for variety ;-D

5 snacks I love and wish I could eat:
Taco Bell (I'm a cheap date)
An apple martini (okay, maybe not so cheap)
A peanut butter and jelly sandwich (hubby and I are having an ongoing debate whether I can eat this or not, as he insists it'll give Zamara a peanut allergy... )
Biscuits and gravy
A banana split, particularly if it was made by my buddy Verdatha

5 Places I'd run away to:
California
Scotland
Waiheke Island or Whanaki (it's a toss up)
New York City

Can't think of number 5.

5 things I'd never wear:
Not sure there is anything, in the right context.
But probably not a bikini, at least until I figure out a way to hide / get rid of these stretch marks

5 favorite TV shows:
Survivor
America's Next Top model
E.R.
Desperate Housewives
Dr. Phil

5 greatest joys:
Zamara
Hubby
Spike and Sarah
Knitting
The computer, as it allows me a connection with family and friends in the USA, and brings me fun in the form of games, and knowledge in the form of the internet (at least some pages... )
Scrapbooking

That's six, but I don't care. One can't have too many joys.

5 favorite toys:
Hubby
The computer
Camera

and I can't really think of any more...

I'm not tagging anyone else because the two main people I'd tag have already done it :-)

Pity Party

I'm feeling sorry for myself today. I recognize that I have many many things in my life to be thankful for. But sometimes I can't help lamenting over everything else.

We are having financial difficulties at the moment. This is a combination of several factors:

1. Reduced income. I'm getting maternity leave pay but it's only about 70% of what I was getting working full time. And it runs out at the end of this month.
2. Having a baby, and the costs therein incurred. Even the little things like toiletries add up. Especially when treating the most stubborn nappy rash known to man.
3. Hubby's incestant need to upgrade the house. Granted, most of that is coming from his side of the finances - but now that we're reducing down to one primary income, his side of the finances needs to stretch a lot further. And with the amount of loans he's got out at the moment, there's virtually no flexibility.
4. Piss-poor budgeting skills and an ostritch in the sand mentality. Both of us are guilty of this but neither of us know much about what to do to change. I've been pushing for a hard and in-depth look at our finances for several months now but all I'm getting from hubby is "yeah, we should do that", but no actual commitment.
5. A champagne lifestyle but a kool-aid income.
6. Mounting debt and the costs this incurs.

So I'm having a pity party, and virtually everything I'm lamenting at the moment is tied to money.

I'm feeling sorry for myself and my family because there's no feasible way that I can get professional photographs of my daughter at this age, and for that matter can't really even afford the printed-off digital snapshots.

I regret the fact that all of Zamara's things - many of which are valued gifts - need to, by necessity, be shoved in bags and piled in cardboard boxes because we have no storage system available for her, and no money to buy even a cheap Warehouse one.

I'm sorry for myself because I can't afford the post-natal massage I promised myself I would get within the first six weeks post-partum.

I regret the fact that while we're generously being gifted a flight out to the States for Baby's First Christmas, we have no money for anything, including even daily food, while we're there, and will in fact significantly struggle to pay the standard monthly bills back here while we're there.

I'm sorry for myself because it's apparent that I will have to give up my gym membership despite the fact I've looked forward to having that "me" time that would allow me to get out of the house for a controlled and short amount of time, and to do something good for myself at the same time.

I regret the fact that it's becoming obvious that I will have to sell things valuable to me - my books, music collection, beanie babies, and probably even a computer - likely at far less than they're worth, to even keep afloat.

I'm miserable because despite being out of most of our staples, we can't afford to go grocery shopping. There's frozen meat in the freezer, but we have no bread, no cheese, no milk, and only one or two eggs. We're out of pepper and very low on salt. We haven't had any form of fresh produce for over a week now, and there's only about one serving of frozen veggies left. Our canned supplies are rapidly depleting as well - at the moment it's a choice of canned apricots, refried beans, or beetroot. And worst of all, we're out of ice cream.

But mostly I'm feeling absolutely tragic because it's apparent that I'm going to have to bring in an income. And since despite my best efforts, I can't for the life of me find something realistic that I can do at home, I'm going to have to leave my daughter, sooner rather than later. It's this need which has brought to light a greater realisation - how much I truly and deeply abhor the idea of leaving my daughter at all, let-alone with someone outside the family.