Grace

Grace is not something that I am good at.

When I woke up this morning I tried to concentrate on the positive, to start the day ready to take on the world, or at least the housework and baby.

But, truth be told, I was warm, cozy, and had been in the middle of a very realistic, good dream. I told myself I was thankful to wake up, and thankful that Zamara was awake, because of course I'd worry if she wasn't making noise like usual. And we started the day.

At noon hubby was lolling about unshowered and heading off to his computer. I was stripping the bed and doing the laundry. I told myself I was thankful that we have a comfortable bed and enough bed linen that I don't need to worry about getting everything dry on the same day.

At two o' clock, when hubby asked why I couldn't wait until Z had woken up from her nap to go out (and thus making him look after her) I told myself I was thankful that I was in a steady relationship with my daughter's husband. I told myself I was thankful I had the choice.

At five 'o clock, when Z was shrieking (happy but loud) and I had a splitting headache I told myself that I was thankful that we live so close to our inlaws. I told myself I was thankful we have a good relationship and thankful they enjoy looking after her as needed.

At six thirty as I was making Z's dinner while hubby played computer games I told myself I was thankful to have enough food to feed my daughter and thankful to have the skills and ability in which to do it.

At seven thirty when hubby offered to pop to the grocery store for a few essentials like milk and eggs I told myself I was thankful that we had the money for the couple items and transport to get there and back. I told myself I was thankful we lived in a metro area where going to the supermarket after seven o' clock on a weekend is second nature.

At eight thirty when hubby returned home and asked why hadn't I started dinner I told myself I was thankful he'd arrived home safely.

At nine, as dinner baked in the oven, hubby played computer games, and I cleaned up the kitchen I admit that I grumbled to myself. Just a little bit.

At ten, as I sat down at my computer to eat my dinner and hubby moved from his computer to in front of the television and said "you're on the computer again?" I admit I grumbled. Perhaps aloud.

So now it is eleven o' clock. Hubby is asleep in front of the television. I have cleaned up the dinner plates, loaded and started the dishes, collected the recycling and wiped down the kitchen work surfaces.

And I'm thinking that I'm really not very good at grace at all.

I need to work less on telling myself that I am thankful and more on being thankful.